The Adventures of Cleaky Squean the Dyslexic Janitor

Book 1 – The Grinions of Mime Strike

As Cleaky returned to his office at Streetsville Secondary after a much needed summer vacation he noticed a strong stench resonating from his office (aka the school basement). Without the presence of Cleaky and his trusty can of comet, the grime minions had threatened to take over his office. It was the first aggressive move from the germs since Cleaky drove them away in the Pine Fresh battle of ‘99. Dormant for 4 years, the grime slowly built up their armies and waited for Cleaky to take his vacation to strike. To Cleaky’s credit he was forced to use his vacation days because of new management and their insistence on mandatory vacations. It would serve them right if Cleaky turned around and walked away but Cleaky loved the school.

Back in 1966, in a janitor’s closet on the west wing of the school, a little sperm with unbridled enthusiasm made its way up the tallopian fubes of a young school girl and made first contact with one immaculate ovum. Nine months later Jacob Clean and Jessica Van Blackberry had a son. After 24 hrs of labour Jessica was able to push the young infant out. As if scripted by a director in a low-budget film, the child was born without any blood or uterus guck on him whatsoever. The doctors remarked that this was quite possibly the cleanest baby they had ever seen. And with the reckless abandon naming conventions of immigrant parents, Jacob and Jessica named their son Squeaky.

That same day the hospital assigned a temp administrative assistant to handle the birth certificates and paperwork for newborns. Instead of entering Squeaky Clean on the child’s birth certificate, she had put down Cleaky Squean. After correcting the mistake and getting an apology from the hospital, Jessica and Jacob went home with their son. Jessica and Jacob got married soon after the birth of Squeaky and both decided to find jobs after high school to provide for their son. Jacob found a job as a janitor at the same school and Jessica found a job as a waitress at Smokey Joe’s Café.

Years down the road when Squeaky started school, in a terrible twist of irony – Squeaky was diagnosed with dyslexia after teachers started noticing Squeaky switching and swapping letters in his writing. He was especially bad with his name and other people’s names. On several occasions Squeaky was sent to the principle’s office for calling Stussy Pink, a female classmate, by the wrong name. It was only after they diagnosed him with dyslexia and informed his teachers, that Squeaky was pardoned for his supposed foul mouth. The kids however were not so kind and would call him Cleaky Squean for years to come.

(To Be Continued…)